Telling Porky Pies – Lies (Cockney Slang)

Cockney rhyme began as a means for the London working class to “talk” to each other without others having a clue as to what was being said. Needless to say, the unsavory characters of London also adopted the language in an attempt to baffle the police force. In any event, sometimes the origin of the saying is hard to follow and convoluted, but after all, that was the idea!

By the way, to be born a “Cockney” one has to have been born within the sounds of Bow Bells Church in the East End of London. Following is a quick description of the slang, and the meaning.

Trouble and Strife = wife. I’m going home to the trouble and strife (wife).
Porky pies = lies. You're telling me porky pies again (lies).
Butcher’s hook = look. He was giving me a good butcher’s hook (look).
Apples and pears = stairs. The toilet is up the apples and pears (stairs).
Whistle and flute = suit. That’s a smart whistle you're wearing (suit).
Daisy roots = boots. I like your daisy roots (boots).
Skin and blister = sister. Hands off her; she’s my skin and blister (sister).
Barnet fair = head of hair. The girl has a beautiful barnet fair (head of hair).
Mutton Jeff = deaf. The poor man used to hear well, now he is mutton deaf (deaf).
Bowler hat= rat. I once thought he was my friend, but then he turned into a bowler hat (rat).
North and south = mouth. She has a right ‘ol north and south (mouth).
Tom and Dick = sick. I have to leave work because I’m Tom and Dick (sick).
Artful dodger = lodger. I need help paying the rent. I’ll have to take in an artful dodger (lodger).
Brown bread = dead. He was all right when I left him, then I found out he was brown bread (dead.)
Baker’s dozen = cousin. No, he’s not my brother; he’s my baker’s dozen (cousin).
Bill and Ben = writing pen. I don’t have a pencil, but I do have a Bill and Ben (pen).

Often several slang terms were used in conjunction such as:

“I was wearing my best Whistle and Flute (suit) walking down the Apple and Pears (stairs) when this Bowler Hat (rat) whom I used to consider a Baker's Dozen (cousin) asked if I’d been Tom and Dick (sick.) I told him I needed to get home to the Trouble and Strife (wife) because she had a real North and South (mouth) and I didn’t want to tell her any Porky pies (lies) because I could end up as Brown Bread (dead.)

Additional Beauty Hints

 

• Nail polish – Place your thick and “gummy” polish in a pot of boiling water for a few minutes…your polish will become thinner and manageable

• Deodorant - Mix 2 tablespoons of petroleum jelly, 2 teaspoons of baking soda, and 2 teaspoons of talcum powder together. Place in a double boiler (stirring all the time) until the mixture becomes a cream. When cool place in jars and use as you would any regular cream deodorant

• Stains on teeth – Mash a strawberry and brush it vigorously over your teeth. This will help remove those pesky stains

• Lasting perfume – Oily skin tends to hold perfume, therefore apply a little petroleum jelly and you’ll notice the fragrance lasts longer.  

Beauty Hints

ü  Facial scrub – mix a little water and about 1 tablespoon of oatmeal into a paste. Spread over your face and leave until the mask becomes “tight.” Finally rinse with lots of water rubbing to remove dead skin and cleanse pores

ü  Moisturizer - Wash face thoroughly and while still wet…rub in a little petroleum jelly. Keep adding water until the jelly has been completely absorbed, and is no longer greasy. You will be amazed at how good your skin feels after this treatment

ü  Blemish control - Use a dab of lemon juice to dry up a blemish

ü  Manicure special – Soak fingertips in one cup of warm water and half a lemon for approximately 5 minutes. Continue with your manicure.

Hints for Honey, Garlic and Corn

• Has your honey "sugared" or become solid? Place the jar in a pot of boiling water and it will soften

• Did you know you can keep your garlic in the freezer? Thaw and chop as needed -- or peel your garlic and store in cooking oil

• For sweeter corn – add a teaspoon of lemon juice during the last minute of cooking. Never cook in salted water, this toughens the corn.

Faster (Baked) Spuds

 

·        Scrub the potatoes with a vegetable brush and place in boiling water for approximately 10 minutes before placing in a hot oven - 400 degrees

 

·        Scrub potatoes and pat dry. Push a metal skewer through the center and place on a baking sheet. (The skewer helps circulate the heat and therefore shortens the cooking time.)

·        Cutting a small slice off each end of the potato provides for a faster cooking time

·        Potatoes on the grill – scrub the potatoes, pat dry and rub skins with salad oil or butter. Wrap potatoes individually in foil and place close to hot coals for about an hour…turning frequently.

Kitchen Cooking Tips

Tips on preparing onions

·         Cut the top of the onion first leaving the root until last – you’ll have fewer tears that way

·         Peel the onion under running water

·         Keep the onions in the refrigerator or freeze them before chopping

·         Rub your hands with lemon juice to rid them of the odor after peeling.

One of a Kind

This photo of a model wearing a prom dress was taken directly from Brooks' website. For more information on other creations, please go to the address below.

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Brooks at her atelier in Denver. I was very impressed by her ability to look at a woman’s shape and coloring, and then design a specific piece (she makes her own patterns by the way) that would bring pleasure to any woman. Brooks uses unusual fabrics from around the world that include lace from Italy, woolens from the United Kingdom, and silks from India. She is particularly interested in the way a fabric "feels, hangs or drapes on a client.” The choices, colors, and designs are endless. If you are looking for that special piece, that one of a kind ensemble…I highly recommend a visit to Brooks’ atelier.

http://www.brooksltd.net

Brooks@brooksltd.net

Address: 1616 14th St, Denver, CO 80202

Phone: (303) 573-3801

Under the Influence

 

Another great photograph I discovered while researching Hidden History of Denver courtesy Denver Public Library.

Drunkenness and disorderly conduct was a constant worry to the policemen of Denver in the late 1890s. The men, eager to spend their money, often became drunk and disorderly. In an effort to contain the offenders, the police devised a type of “holding pen” or “kiosk.” These were usually placed on street corners in high activity areas where a man (or woman) could be locked inside until the police returned with a wagon. Two men pose for the photograph. One seemingly inebriated man, his hat pulled askew -- the policeman holds a billy club.

The actual location of this photograph is unknown. The road is unpaved. A woman is walking on the sidewalk opposite wearing a long dress, and a dog runs lose in the center of the street.

Damaged -- Chapter 2 Prerelease

I had such great response to posting Chapter 1 I've decided to go ahead and post another chapter. Click on the link on the right side of the screen to download Chapter 2.

Damaged - the Sequel to Forbidden

For those who've been asking me about the sequel to Forbidden, my first novel, I'm glad to let you know that I'm almost there! In fact I'm close enough that I thought I'd post the first chapter before the whole book is released. Click on the link on the right side of the screen to download.