I take no credit for this article. I don't know where it came from...but I found it funny and besides, we need to laugh. I know which one is my favorite.
(1) The English are feeling the pinch in relation to the recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, the level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
(2) The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the
Bastards.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been
used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
(3) The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level
from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate”
and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed
France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military
capability.
(4) Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to
“Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat
Operations” and “Change Sides.”
(5) The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to
“Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels:
“Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
(6) The Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they
are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
(7) The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These
beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a
really good look at the old Spanish navy.
(8) The Australians, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll
be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll
need to cancel the Barbie this weekend!” and “The Barbie is cancelled.” So far,
no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
